Finding families like ours is not only important for my kids, it’s important for me too.  I need to know that my questions and thoughts are normal for an adoptive parent in the same way my kids need to know their experience of adoption is normal as well.

Support4Families in adoption is critical. At a time when you need to focus your time, energy and mental resources to parenting your hurt child, and helping them heal, Parent2Parent support makes the journey easier by allowing new parents to gather information and learn about resources in the community that they might need for their children. Further, evidence demonstrates that post-adoption supports are critical to making the adoption journey smoother for families created through adoption regardless of whether these are domestic, international or public. Adopt4life has been a lifeline.

Adopt4life has been a lifeline.

Nous avons adoptés quatre enfants. Parfois certains font face à leurs traumatismes passés. La plupart des gens ne voient que leurs comportements, et non ce qu'ils cachent. D'avoir un endroit où aller, où les gens nous comprennent, où on ne se sentira pas jugés a été fantastique. Merci Adopt4Life!!

When we first adopted it was so nice to have other parents who understood our journey.  Our friends and family were supportive but there were some things that only another adoptive parent would understand.  We loved the suggestions and the support we got and 9 years later, our kids are still acquainted with some of the other children they met at various outings with the support group.  

Les parents adoptifs ont besoin de sentir qu'ils ne sont pas seuls. Être parent à la base peut en essouffler plus d'un et ce, dans les meilleures conditions. Or, être parent d'enfants qui ont subi des traumatismes tôt dans leur vie est encore plus difficile. Les familles adoptives ont besoin de se lier à un réseau de familles adoptives qui leur apporte du soutien dès le début du processus.

At first, we didn't feel we needed a support group. We thought, we've got this. As the years went by, however, we attended some meetings of a support group and found a whole different world. The people there had the same struggles we did and gave us many helpful suggestions and resources.  

If there is a support group in your area, we highly recommend staying connected to it and getting to know some of the people and the families. 

The pride and confidence I have in being an adoptive parent is due in large part to the support I get from other adoptive parents. I strongly believe that most adoptive parents need to talk with other adoptive parents about the unique struggles we experience because of how our children came into our families.

Être entouré d'autres personnes qui nous comprennent a été une clef du succès de notre adoption. Nos amis ne comprenaient pas toujours les particularités de notre situation de parents, lorsque nous avons fait connaissance avec les gens de notre groupe d'entraide, ils savaient de quoi nous parlions; on ne se sentaient plus à part!

Having others who understood was crucial to the success of our adoption. The differences in parenting aren't always understood by friends, but when we got together with people in our support group, they all got it! And we didn't feel different!   

If I can give you one piece of take away from this blog, do not hide or isolate yourself. Find someone who truly understands your journey. Share your experiences with other awaiting or adoptive parents like on Adopt4Life.

The pride and confidence I have in being an adoptive parent is due in large part to the support I get from other adoptive parents. I strongly believe that most adoptive parents need to talk with other adoptive parents about the unique struggles we experience because of how our children came into our families. 

My church community was so supportive of me adopting, even as a single mom. Before my daughter even moved in with me, they threw me a shower, took time out of their busy schedules to help ready and decorate her room, and checked in with me to see how I was doing and what I needed. This kind of support really helped me to feel like a new mom and helped us get off to a great start as a family.

We have 4 adopted children. At times 1 or more children struggle with past trauma. Most people only see the behaviours, not what's behind them. Having a place to go where people understand and don't judge has been amazing.
Thank you Adopt4life!!

Without talking to fellow adoptive parents about issues such as attachment, we would feel very lost and alone. Knowing that you can ask a question of someone who has lived it, learned from it, and is still willing to lend a helping hand makes the process real and something you can navigate.

Our adoption journey has not been typical. There were a lot of challenges and struggles that no one could have foreseen. We felt really alone and lost. However, when we connected with Adopt4Life, we felt like someone truly cared. They provided us with emotional support, links to resources, and a mentor who supported us during our transition and who does so to this day. Without Julie & Adopt4Life, we may have given up on our journey. Instead, today we are a happy family of 4 and we encourage others to adopt. 

Adoptive parents need to know they are not alone. Parenting isn't for the faint of heart at the best of times; but parenting kids who have been through early life trauma is harder. Adoptive families need to connect with an adoptive family support community from the beginning.

As a single adoptive mom, I realized early on that I needed someone to talk to. Someone who understood what I was going through and someone who understood what my son might feel. With the help of my mentor, I was able to navigate extremely stressful situations that I wouldn't have been able to do alone. My peer mentor was the only support I had, as all government supports were never available or did not exist. My peer mentor was my survival line and I am thankful every day that the mentor program exists.

“Please Normalize Me”! As a new adoptive mom, I soon found that the struggles were much greater than I anticipated. Quickly realizing love was not sufficient; I needed tools to help heal my own childhood challenges, triggered by my children.  Through peer support, I was able to learn that I was not alone, that the struggles were part of the journey.  With mentors and proper support, I not only grew as a mom but also helped pave the healing journey for my children.
Normalizing the Journey = Peer Support

Parenting children who have been in foster care--especially older kids--is often extremely challenging. Extensive trauma or disabilities bring even greater struggle. Disillusionment, grief, frustration, and fatigue are common. Only other adoptive parents fully understand what we go through. I wrote The Promise to document and express my own experience. It's essential that adoptive families band together in support. Validation and inspiration is vital for parents to keep meeting the needs of their children and in order to heal as a family. This is a key component to preventing our wounded children from being sent back to foster care.

As new adoptive parents, we often felt like unworthy parents. We faced so many issues, which took us away from who we thought we were. We said things that were cruel even though we are kind, loving people. We often considered whether we were good parents. Adopt4Life helped lessen our anxiety and strengthen our confidence. We were able to laugh once again as so many other parents were experiencing the same things. The best part is the sharing of approaches that worked for others. Parent to parent support is essential.